I am having a hard time getting my act together. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I just lounge around all day sleeping. Like it is easier to deal with Olivia's death by sleeping my life away. I talked to a counselor on the phone today. Another women that lost her son to SIDS 18 years ago. It is amazing how profoundly the death of an infant is. How this little person, who was only on this planet for such a short time, can change your life so dramatically for the better or worse. I want to make a difference through Olivia's death but I feel so drained and tired. I would love to do some fundraising for SIDS (actually I do have a cause for Olivia on Facebook, called "Olivia's Place". I just think the holiday season is so depressing when your family has had a tragedy like mine.
I look forward to seeing Thomas later this week. I am leaving for NY on Wednesday. I am sad, however, that I am leaving during my fertile time. And next month my husband inadvertendly booked my trip to NY during my fertile cycle as well. Maybe this is God's way of not pushing another pregnancy just yet. I know I need to go with the flow, but it is so hard.
Please God, give me the strength to get past this dark period of my life and move forward. I know Olivia is watching over me, her Daddy, brother and her entire family!
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