Miscarriage

I haven't written in a while as I wanted to keep my pregnancy a sort of secret until the 2nd trimester. Last Thursday, however, I started to bleed. I was in my 12 week exactly that day. After a crazed rush to the ER with Paul I was told I had to come back to the Maternity Unit the next day. It was a horrendous nearly 24 hour wait. In the meantime, I did try to come to terms that I was having a miscarriage.

On Friday I had the ultrasound. The baby stopped forming at around 6-7 weeks. I have to be honest with you, I had a gut feeling. I just didnt "feel right" during this pregnancy.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I am going to try and diet, exercise, eat well and try again. I so desperately wanted a baby in my arms by Christmas this year, as Paul and I had hoped and dreamed. I guess God has other plans for us. I am not sure how much more I can handle but I am proving to be stronger than I ever thought I could be.

Paul is a rock too! He is hard on me but he wants me to succeed and overcome this depression. We want to live our lives and respect Olivia's memory as well as the baby we lost but we want to carry on and be happy. I hope that will happen for us. We didnt have a very happy first year of marriage.

That's that for now....