I haven't written in a while as I wanted to keep my pregnancy a sort of secret until the 2nd trimester. Last Thursday, however, I started to bleed. I was in my 12 week exactly that day. After a crazed rush to the ER with Paul I was told I had to come back to the Maternity Unit the next day. It was a horrendous nearly 24 hour wait. In the meantime, I did try to come to terms that I was having a miscarriage.
On Friday I had the ultrasound. The baby stopped forming at around 6-7 weeks. I have to be honest with you, I had a gut feeling. I just didnt "feel right" during this pregnancy.
I don't even know what to say anymore. I am going to try and diet, exercise, eat well and try again. I so desperately wanted a baby in my arms by Christmas this year, as Paul and I had hoped and dreamed. I guess God has other plans for us. I am not sure how much more I can handle but I am proving to be stronger than I ever thought I could be.
Paul is a rock too! He is hard on me but he wants me to succeed and overcome this depression. We want to live our lives and respect Olivia's memory as well as the baby we lost but we want to carry on and be happy. I hope that will happen for us. We didnt have a very happy first year of marriage.
That's that for now....
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A blog about how I am coping with the passing of our beautiful Olivia Parisha Sparrow to SIDS on August 2, 2008 at 2 months old.
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About Me
- Survival after SIDS
- I am nearly 42 years old. Born and raised in NYC and the surrounding areas. I am now married to a wonderful man and live in the UK with him. I have a beautiful 6 year old son and had a beautiful daughter who passed away this year from SIDS at 2 months old. We are hoping for a better 2009 and a new baby as well. Wish us well!
3 comments:
Hello,
I am so sorry for your loss. My son, Joshua died 19 years ago. I've been lost in a fog for most of that time.
I turned all the pain inward and it almost killed me.
Your courage to share your loss is a gift to others parents trying to find their way through this pain. Thank you.
My fog is just now starting to lift. I'm also 42. And it's only lifting because I'm not trying to hide from my grief. I embrace it and it passes.
I'm not sure that the grief gets any lighter, but sadnees without guilt is a form of love. I move from intense joy to intense sadness and back rather quickly.
I too know the pain of losing a precious little one to SIDS and then enduring multiple miscarriages following. I felt agonizing pain and rage with each loss, but desperately kept trying. I did eventually deliver a baby girl last year. I believe grief played a role in those early miscarriages. I also started taking a daily baby aspirin at my ob's suggestion to help prevent clotting and establish a placenta. I think that was a helpful factor too. I stopped taking it at 20 weeks gestation. I wish you success in conceiving another baby. There is hope.
hi;
i need some articles on health hope you will post some articles
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