Bad Day

I had a meltdown about Olivia today. When that happens, I call it "the Olivia's". I had a need to see her so I looked at some videos of her on line. The uncontrollable tears just coming rolling down. I gave my Mother a call and she calmed me down. I decided to go for a walk after. I still can not wrap my brain around the fact I will never see her again. That feeling that she is still out there, still alive, just haunts me. She is still so alive in my heart. I suppose that is a good thing.

The added kick in the gut is that I dont have my son here to raise. What a doule whammy. I am happy to have the landylady's dog to keep my company. I will sorely miss her when the landlady takes her to her new home.

I also have to deal with the fact that my 17 year old cat is in dying. I love her so much but I she hs cancer and it is selfish for me to keep her alive if she is in terrible pain. So I will have to deal with this when I return to the US for Christmas.

I get the coil out hopefully this Friday. Everyone pray for my husband and me that we will have a beautiful, happy baby this year.